Woody's World Of Wonders

It's been a busy week for the strange and the loopy. Let's get right to the headlines, shall we?

It's The Stupid Pants, Stupid!
I've always shown great distemper toward those idiotic looking oversized pants the kids wear that show every thread of their gotch underneath. Well the stupidity of it all finally caught up to one man, suspected of stealing discs from a video store, when was tripped up by his baggy pants, falling twice before police captured him.

How About Some Buttafuoco Ripple?
Sleazebucket Joey Buttafuoco has been spotted working on the Hollywood sets, selling protein shakes and ice cream to the stars. "Hey, little girl. Want some ice cream? How' bout a cone of Joey?"

They Shoot Messengers, Don't They?
I'm normally of the belief that a wacky stunt can bring attention to a serious cause but, at some point, you just look like an idiot. You just have to read about this guy that dressed up like a horse and ran around a race track to promote democracy. He said he was following the example of British suffragette Emily Davison, who in 1913 ran onto a British race track demanding women's right to vote, and was killed by a horse. And what a fine role model he chose.

Venison Home Delivery.
Deer hunting's just not the challenge it once was. Not only did the guy kill this one with his bare hands, but the dumb animal came right to his home!

You Are What You Wear
A halloween party-goer dressed as "Belligerent Drunk Man" acted the part and some guy dressed up as "The Green Lantern" tried to break up the fight. The world can sure use more superheroes.

What? No Beef Strokinoff?
Someone stole $75,000 worth of bull semen from a Frederick County farm in Wolfsville, Md, last week.
Six canisters containing the semen of 40-50 bulls went missing from the farmer's outbuilding. Sounds like a ranch-hand job to me.

Do I Take It Orally orrrrr......(Web psych of the Week)
This website is a head scratcher. I can't tell if it's an elaborate, well produced parody like Saturday Night Live or that it's the real deal.

Payback's A Bitch

Justice Gomery's first report on the Liberal Sponsorship Scandal was released yesterday. The party's mass-mail servers immediately began churning to spit this headline at my inbox:

Liberal Party Announces Measures in Response to the Gomery Report

In the release, I was informed that the LPC was to immediately remit to the Canadian taxpayers the sum of $ 1,142,818.27 to represent the "full and complete repayment of improperly received funds, and contributions called into question by Justice Gomery, by the Liberal Party of Canada and its Quebec wing."

When millions of Canadian tax dollars were mismanaged, misspent, missssssteriously evaporated, this sum seems to be a little shy of acceptable. However, we have to accept the Gomery findings of actual identified and documented transactions. This does not, in any way, include the envelopes, briefcases and sacks of cash which traded hands through the sponsorship years. It's hard to keep the exact value of a sack consistent from one occurrance to the next. Therefore, your ledgers would always be out of whack if you tried to record such transactions. I'm starting to appreciate that the Liberals were just trying to go easy on the accountants during a frenzied period of spending and procuring.

So, in my reconciling with the pittance remittance, I decided to view for myself the Resolution of the National Executive of the Liberal Party of Canada.

Whereas the Liberal Party of Canada’s Code of Conduct, adopted on September 10,
2005, along with other sweeping measures adopted by this Executive, governs Party staff
and volunteers in order to further ensure that the same irregularities cannot repeat
themselves;

Of course they can't repeat themselves. We'll all recognize them. Watch for new and improved irregularities.
This, undoubtedly, will take time to develop through long and arduous strategy sessions.

Volpe???!!!! More Pizza!!!

Boo!

Mrs. Woody and I went out Saturday night to a Halloween Party. We got dressed up as scary people.







Scroll to see our scary costumes!















Happy Halloween!